oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
