phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
