It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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