Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
