We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
there was a trapeze. enough said
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
