You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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