Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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