Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
