At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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