so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
