He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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