i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
