i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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