im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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