ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Let's paint friendship bongs
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
