Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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