in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
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