It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
