I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i think i have herpe
just one?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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