: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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