he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
