Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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