We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
