I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
