It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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