WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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