uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
