Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
