i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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