Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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