Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I intend to get homeless drunk
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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