from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
