i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
