dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
