It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
