well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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