I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
