you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
