he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
