Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
