Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
