Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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