cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
