i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
