apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
