plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
