Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
