We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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