i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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