i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
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