were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Randomize
